Sunday, June 16, 2013
Thursday, June 6, 2013
I'm a pacer. When I'm anxious, or excited, or both, I pace. So, naturally, I'm ALL over this tiny hotel room, because I know that at long last, frances is near. I prop the door ajar and send her a quick text; 'Come on in, baby, it's open...'
But I can't keep still. I hear footsteps in the lobby. Is it her? The footsteps come closer. Could it be? Finally, a small hand appears at the door, and she steps through.
It's you. It's really you. Oh, my god, it's REALLY really you.
It was hard to believe but it had been almost 1.5 YEARS since I had seen Daniel in person. A longer time than I had ever imagined I'd be able to go without seeing his baby blues and kissing his lips. I had imagined all day what it would be like to be face to face, to feel him pull me in for that first kiss, and to hold his strong hands in mine. I was excited, nervous, and worried all at once. What if things weren't the same? What would happen if that spark had disappeared?
When I pulled near to his car at the hotel, I took a moment to steady myself--to prepare for what was about to happen. It didn't take long and soon I was gingerly pushing the door open to see his sweet dimpled face peeking at me from around a corner. I fumbled with the lock. I felt awkward. I wanted to run to him and just kiss his face off but I was apprehensive.
Soon enough I was wrapped in his arms, searching for the courage to turn my face to his and feel those electric kisses I had missed so much. I couldn't believe it was him.
The first half-second hung in the air like an eternity, neither of us quite sure what to do with ourselves. Unsure how to even move. Finally, frances broke the silence, with a shy smile.
I pulled her towards me and squeezed her tight - tighter - tight as I could. I didn't want to let her go. Not again. frances buried her face in my shoulder as I gently stroked her hair and kissed her cheek. I breathed deeply, wanting to take her in completely.
"Sigh... You smell like you."
Oddly enough, I had been thinking the exact thing and as I pressed my face to his chest, I smiled, breathing him in until I felt his gentle fingers on my chin. Daniel gently tipped my head back and in an instant his mouth was on mine. And to borrow from Daniel himself, " It was the most tender, succulent, delicious little morsel of a kiss. It was the Best. First. Kiss. EVER."
We stood in the doorway kissing for what seemed like hours. I swear, time stopped and the world went away. In those kisses, six months, perhaps even 2 years worth of collected resentment, disappointment, and anguish were healed. We had done a lot of talking in the last 2 months and verbally had forgiven so many of the issues we ha been holding onto, but this made it real, physically tangible. In these few moments, my heart opened completely again and all the love I had been holding locked away was freed.
Eventually, the bed beckoned. (I mean, come on! This IS francesanddaniel alone in a hotel room we're talking about...) My hands found frances' skin, and her hands found mine, and any worries about our spark flew out the window.
And... we took our time. Not out of any apprehension; not out of any fear... just wanting to linger over every new inch. Wanting to take each other in completely. Wanting to savor every brand new familiar sensation for all it was worth. And it was relaxed and happy and playful and delicious.
And SO fucking good.
We're still figuring out the details, but for now we are just happy to have each other back. francesanddaniel are back, and somehow we're better than ever.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
I will kiss frances today.
It has been 541 days since I was last able to say that -- a year and a half, almost to the day. It boggles my mind. There was a time - written about in these very pages, no doubt - when going a month was a hardship, and going two was unthinkable. How good we had it. How far we fell...
But today is not about lamenting the past. Today is about reconnecting; about clean slates; about what happens now.
I'm ridiculously excited, and somehow nearly as nervous as I was for our first first date so long ago. The swagger of experience, crossed with teenage butterflies, is a curious thing. How do you "catch up" on a year and a half of missing each other? I hardly know where to begin.
So, I'm going to kiss frances. That sounds like a good start to me.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Daniel and I have been considering starting over somewhere else--abandoning this little piece of the inter-webs for somewhere fresh. Somewhere that we can show off the new francesanddaniel (whoever they end up being). However, sentimentals that we are, we can't quite seem to let go of this spot with the beginning, the struggle, the hardships, and all that damn fine sexiness. So we're going to stay. The blog will get a new look and a fresh start to reflect the newness we have recently found in our journey together.
Are you excited? You can get your francesanddaniel fix in the same place that you have for almost the last 5 years.
Wow. 5 years. Daniel and I have been pondering what we might look like as a couple in the next (insert arbitrary number here) years. All we know is that how things are today is not sustainable long term and being without each other entirely is not an option. So stay tuned and we'll try to keep you updated about all things boring and exciting (and sexy!).
We should have something to report soon. We're seeing each other Thursday. Squeeeeeeee!
Friday, March 29, 2013
And for six months, that was the truth.
The rebirth of frances and daniel happened almost entirely by accident. An errant thumb here; a curious click there; and suddenly I was headlong down a rabbit hole of seeing things I never wanted or needed to see; of hearing things I never wanted or needed to hear. I was thrown for a loop. I turned to frances for the first time in ages, in some attempt to make sense of it all... and where before we would have turned to anger, hurt, accusation, defensiveness, fear; instead... we somehow found compassion. Understanding. Reason. Love.
In a way, maybe I was right to think that, having been so much more, I could never simply 'go back' to being frances' friend. Instead, I had to go forward. To storm out into the cold and spend that long winter alone, in order to come back in somewhere closer to where I started. Can we really be friends? I don't think either of us truly knows for sure what the future holds. But we do know that it seems worth trying, And, I dare say, that we've missed each other.
So, for now, this is where this part of the story ends. Frances is around. If you know where to look, she shouldn't be hard to find. I'm around too, even if you might not see me much. If anyone's still out there reading this... thanks for being our friends. We needed it.