I had a conversation with my sister-in-law recently. It went a little something like this:
Sil: "So...my brother just moved out your way..."
Frances: "Oh really? That's cool. Did they get another house out here?"
Sil: "No. Well yes, he's buying a house, but they're getting a divorce."
Frances: (Shocked, saddened, and slighly uncomfortable as always when the subject of divorce comes up) "Oh no! That's sad. I'm sorry to hear that."
Sil: Yeah, well...apparently she cheated on him...MULTIPLE times. She was sick of him never having a job...though you know he just got that good one... I guess she was some kind of "sex addict."
Frances: (Fighting the growing pit in my stomach that threatens to put a lump in my throat) "Huh. That's crazy. What a tough situation for the both of them.
We went on the talk about other things and this little snippet was barely anything in the grand scheme of our time together, but situations like this always throw me for a loop. I blush. I feel guilty. I feel like they know about me and the next instant I affirm that they couldn't, but begin to imagine what they would say if they DID. I put my name in the conversation. List my "sins." I take the heat for these various people suffering their way through divorces and separations in an attempt to see what it will be like when it happens to me. I know I worry too much what others will think. I know there will be lots of nice things, happy things, said about Daniel and I when we finally are. But I also know I will be the bad guy for many family members. I know this, and I fear the judgement.