I had a conversation with my sister-in-law recently. It went a little something like this:
Sil: "So...my brother just moved out your way..."
Frances: "Oh really? That's cool. Did they get another house out here?"
Sil: "No. Well yes, he's buying a house, but they're getting a divorce."
Frances: (Shocked, saddened, and slighly uncomfortable as always when the subject of divorce comes up) "Oh no! That's sad. I'm sorry to hear that."
Sil: Yeah, well...apparently she cheated on him...MULTIPLE times. She was sick of him never having a job...though you know he just got that good one... I guess she was some kind of "sex addict."
Frances: (Fighting the growing pit in my stomach that threatens to put a lump in my throat) "Huh. That's crazy. What a tough situation for the both of them.
We went on the talk about other things and this little snippet was barely anything in the grand scheme of our time together, but situations like this always throw me for a loop. I blush. I feel guilty. I feel like they know about me and the next instant I affirm that they couldn't, but begin to imagine what they would say if they DID. I put my name in the conversation. List my "sins." I take the heat for these various people suffering their way through divorces and separations in an attempt to see what it will be like when it happens to me. I know I worry too much what others will think. I know there will be lots of nice things, happy things, said about Daniel and I when we finally are. But I also know I will be the bad guy for many family members. I know this, and I fear the judgement.
4 comments:
Both my partner and I were the one's that "left". Although, I left my ex a year before he left his and I met him 4 months after he left her. His ex believs that I was on the scene way before I was. But, at the end of the day, does it matter what people say? It hurts at times sure, but I usually find the ones that judge are the ones that are most unhappy themselves.
my Raspy is the first divorce ever in his family. this scares the ever loving crap out of him.
they are separated. and he procrastinates on divorce i know for this reason.
but like i say to him all the time... you can wait all you want but its not going to help the situation. just hinder. life is so short so why spend it miserable.
When it comes right down to it, would your friends and family want you to be desperately unhappy in a marriage, or divorced so you could live your own life?
I think that even the judgmental ones will come around eventually. Having seen a lot of divorces (hell, at my high school reunion, half the CLASS was divorced already), I'm realizing that they are, sadly, becoming more and more common.
Get out whenever you can, F. I know it's tearing you both to pieces.
-- PB
I think about this all the time. It's not such a big deal for me, since I'm already divorced, but will be a big deal for KenDoll, because of his children.
Best of luck to all of us!
:/
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