I don't think I ever really sat down to analyze what it actually feels like when my body orgasms. In fact, before I became intimate with Daniel I rarely (if ever) experienced the range, depth, or intensity of feelings (physical or emotional) as when I climax now. I really believe I have come into my own sexually (pun intended) these last 3 years. Before I begin to gush all about Daniel and his amazing hands, and tongue, and cock and...where was I? Oh yeah, since October I've been struggling with my 'new' sexuality on meds. Antidepressant medication to be exact. Long story short, it has made me think a lot more about what's going on with my body surrounding climax. Once I get myself sorted out medically I'm hoping to revisit this topic to view my orgasms on a more balanced, 'normal' frances scale. So, yeah, this post is all about my orgasms on drugs.
I was, until last week, taking Effexor. I am currently weaning off it and onto Wellbutrin. As successful as Effexor was at regulating my moods, I gained 12 lbs, had an incredibly diminished sex drive, and MAJOR difficulty orgasming. I am sure Effexor is not entirely to blame, so let me get to the point, talking about what my body FELT like sexually on Effexor.
It was much harder to convince my body I was horny and noticeably more difficult for me to become aroused. Mentally, I knew I should be, on account of the fact that generally I am like a 12 year old boy when it comes to thinking about sex, but physically I was noticeably less wet, flushed, and turned on, even when I wanted to be. It was almost like my body was numb. Not on the surface numb, but that weightless haze like floating lazily underwater. It's like the sensations never penetrated past the top few layers of my skin.
This feeling especially plagues my clit. It feels desensitized to pleasure. It is sensitive, but seems to feel more pain than pleasure. It is even harder than before to find that perfect spot to make me come. And now that I think about it, clitoral orgasms are pretty much non-existent on Effexor. I would try, placing a vibe off to the side of my clit, in a spot that felt promising and I could establish that burn in my tummy, that warmth of pleasure in my pubis, but I always knew (and proved on more than one occasion) that there was no way I was going to make it to the finish line that way. Before the drugs it wasn't easy, but I could totally get off that way in say, 10-15 minutes with minimal effort.
Having made this clitoral discovery, I resigned myself to the fact that I would need g spot combined with clitoral stimulation to achieve the Big O. My orgasms are always stronger this way, so that's not necessarily a bad thing, but that numbness I spoke of before also effects my g spot, so any orgasm is like three times the work. I find myself having to rock the toy in and out of my pussy, stoking my g spot WHILE rocking and moving a vibe on my clit. This is just not normal for me. I'm getting used to it, figuring it out, but this whole body desensitization is really frustrating. It shouldn't be so much damn work!
That said, on Effexor I have had some seriously intense g spot orgasms where the sensations tend to last a whole lot longer than my standard orgasms. Actually, on Effexor, I have had more multiple orgasms than ever. That's awesome, but overall I'm not sure it's worth the trade.
The final sexual dysfunction that Effexor presented me was a mental hurdle that I, along with other women (if I'm to believe popular women's rags), experience naturally--Presence. It was nigh impossible for me to stay focused, aroused, and present in the passion with Daniel. Even when I was drug free, little daily stresses would creep into my brain and sidetrack the last train to orgasm-land. The Effexor pretty much prevented me from even using Sexy Barbie to get back on track. I know this relates to my initial problem of decreased sex drive, but having struggled with presence before, I thought it needed elaboration.
I look forward to seeing what the Wellbutrin does for me. I want my libido back. I want to FEEL again. To yearn. To need. I miss the passion of my senses. The electricity when D touches me 'just so.' Just wish I didn't have to trade for the multiples. ;-)