On 'Being Intentional'

So, frances and I were discussing this post on edencafe.com (which, by the way, is a nicely informative blog run by the folks at edenfantasys, with posts on a wide variety of topics related to relationships and sexuality).  Anyway, the post is worth a read and makes a number of points, but one of things it does is somewhat make the case for the idea of "scheduling" sex.

Now, I'll be honest, in the past that's never been a concept that I've been a big fan of.  It's always kinda seemed like a bad sitcom joke to me... (Tuesday, 10:00 am, Staff Meeting; 2:00 pm, Dentist's Appointment; 6:00 pm, Dinner with the Smiths; 8:30 pm, Sex; 8:45 pm, Sleep.)  But it got me thinking.  With the situation being what it has been, in a way, we're almost ALWAYS "scheduling" things to one degree or another.  With very few exceptions, we know days or weeks in advance when we're going to be together and alone.  Things don't just "happen", we've always had to make them.  And sometimes, we've been able to use that anticipation to our advantage, working ourselves into a nice frenzy in the hours and days ahead of our "scheduled" time.  Of course, other times, it's gone the other way - times when we're tired, or under the weather, or just not feeling it and would rather just snuggle.  But it's the time we've got, so we feel like we need to make it work.

For me, I can't say that it's all that uncommon to have to plan sex. I have less of an aversion to this than Daniel because of the situation of my only other long term sexual relationship, my marriage. On account of our schedules, it was always a necessity to schedule sex.

When I became involved with Daniel, his penchant for spontaneity was truly appreciated. The moments that would turn into heated lovemaking when I had only expected to see him and kiss him are some of the most exciting sessions in my life. However, as time has progressed there have been more occasions that we feel we "have" to do it for the mere fact that we don't know when the next time will be that we will be alone and naked. This has especially been true recently as time together has been even harder to come by. Honestly, and we've written about it before, it's proved a little troublesome to feel like we HAVE to when we don't really desire to.

Our situation is obviously complicated. I hope than when we are together for real, we can avoid scheduling sex as much as possible. I love the organic nature of spontaneous sex, but I also agree with the article. Taking care of our mental and physical sexual selves will help keep us ready for sex, spontaneous or planned. I hope we will continue to sext each other, to read erotica and watch porn, both alone and together. Family and work may provide obstacles to our sexuality, but a little preparation goes along way. So all in all, planning sex is a valid way to ensure the sexual health of your relationship, but I'm hoping our preparation will avoid getting to the point where "fuck frances" appears in Daniel's day planner.