Trying too hard.

One of the perils of francesanddaniel's relationship is our lack of actual physical time together. Although we spent a lovely evening together Friday night, the end result can be summed up with the title of this post.

Let me explain. First and foremost, I got to spend 2 hours playing proud girlfriend as D hammed it up onstage at his local theater. He was fantastic. So fantastic, in fact, that they will be doing encore performances in the future. I wanted nothing more to throw my arms around his neck and cover his face with sloppy kisses when he exited from backstage. Sadly, we hugged, he kissed my cheek, and we snuck out the back door to avoid scrutiny. I digress, he was terrific and I wish I could send you all out to see the show, but back to the topic at hand.

We retired to the hotel room for a the few hours we would have before he needed to head home. We shared champagne and I gave him a much needed/deserved back rub. We talked. We laughed. We just generally enjoyed each other's company. And then things kinda went downhill.

I had mentioned in my last post that we were going to have a bit of a belated Valentine celebration. There was even jewelry!

Daniel is so good at picking me shiny things that I love. What a sweetheart! Once again, I digress.

So we were celebrating and of course had talked ourselves into a sexual frenzy before we met. Sexy pictures were sent. Naughty words were texted. And yet, when the time actually came, we might have been better off just curling up together for a nice long snuggle.

Don't get me wrong. The intimate time we spent together was terrific, as always, but we were both tired and slightly under the weather and he had just expended 2 hours worth of energy doing his self proclaimed bad "Barney Fife" impersonation. Needless to say, we were beat. Yet we tried. And tried some more. And then we switched positions and tried again. AND again.

So to sum up, it wasn't the doggy style that was bad, or the missionary, the cuissade, or cowgirl. These are positions we've perfected and they are thoroughly pleasing to all our naughty parts, but nothing seemed to be able to give us that second wind enough to orgasm. We unsuccessfully tried some rough stuff as well as a little anal play and in the end Daniel filled me full, after which we collapsed together in a sweaty, exhausted heap, but my question is: was it worth it?

That question is a bit difficult for me to answer. Of course, any time I spend with his hands on me is worth it, orgasm or not. But were we just trying to prove something? To ourselves? To the idea of what Valentine's (or any celebration) should be? What purpose did trying so hard serve? I want to say it made us feel closer, but I can't. I felt the closest when he spooned behind me all warm with his hand in the perfect spot on the curve of my hip. So why did we persevere when clearly it wasn't "working". In truth, I can't say.

Perhaps it was a bit because when we REALLY want sex we can't always have it. On account of the state of affairs, when we we are horny and ready to go, we can't actually always be together. So when we CAN be, we try to make up for lost time and it usually works. However, this time I think we could have better connected if we had curled up in bed with the TV on and acted like an old married couple. Because that's what we'll do when we live in the same house and share the same last name.

Longest Day on Earth...

9 pm can't come soon enough. I am currently at work. Daniel is also sitting behind his desk attempting to concentrate on things other than my naked body. I'll admit, I'm not making it easy for him. Texts about my wet pussy will be constant all day. Followed of course by those chronicling how much I'm looking forward to having his nice hard cock fill me up. You see, later tonight, Daniel And I have plans. A date, if you will. It will be a bit of a belated Valentine's Day celebration. First I will get the opportunity to sit in the audience and be the proudest girlfriend ever as D takes the stage to show off his acting talent. Afterward, I will finally get to relax in his arms and have a few uninterrupted hours if time together. Time for presents and time to be naked. Never nearly enough time, but I'm trying to focus on the fact that we have plans. That rarely is able to happen in our world. We're always at the mercy of everyone else's schedule.

So every second today seems like 20 and this day is moving like molasses. But later, we should have some good stories to tell.

For My Valentine

Read no further if you aren't willing to listen to me gush about my love for Daniel, but if you are in the mood for a little romantic overture, then please continue on and enjoy! 

Therapy has been a sore spot with me since I began it at the end of 2010. However, recently it seems we have had somewhat of a breakthrough. I will try to keep this short, but in general we have discovered that I find it really difficult to trust and let people take care of me. For many reasons I have spent 32 years attempting to protect myself and be "perfect." I do not judge others by the same standard I judge myself (THAT bar is MUCH higher) and this has lead me to often look out for others and neglect my own needs.

All this being said, and neglecting much much more, I have come to realize great things about my relationship with Daniel. I am learning to trust, to let go and allow him take care of me. He has become my helper and the number one champion of frances. He does not hesitate to let me know when I am taking myself for granted and now that I have mostly stopped fighting him about it, I realize how good it feels. When I am with Daniel the world is easier. It does not weigh heavily on my shoulders. With him at my side I feel more in balance and able to dance instead of plodding along miserably. I have spent to many years "mothering" others. I am not used to letting someone in to take a bit of the burden. However, it is amazingly wonderful to have a partner that shares everything-- my success, my hurt, my joy, and my pain. I only hope that I can continue to learn to be the perfect partner for him, though I'm trying to settle for "almost perfect." :-)

I am not normally a mushy Valentine loving person. Generally this day goes by with nary a blip on my radar. But with all these personal discoveries and the interpersonal growth of our relationship, I can't help but let my cold heart thaw a bit this Valentine's Day. I want nothing more than to shower my love with gifts. (Both sexual and otherwise.) I long for a fancy dinner out, chocolates, and dare I say it,  jewelry. Hell, I'd settle for a romantic movie on TV with Daniel cuddled up next to me on the couch. Since none of this can happen, THIS year, I honor him here with these feeble words. I hope he can see behind my fumbling scribbles to the intense emotion below. I love you baby. You are opening up my world in ways that I never imagined. Thank you and thanks for agreeing to be my valentine. I'll take a rain check for the rest. ;-) 

(your name here)

"So, we got a nice comment from (commenter's real name)," I said to frances not too long ago.

We have a small handful of fellow bloggers / twitter friends / loyal readers / etc. whose real names we know (and they know ours)...  And when we talk about them, some are pretty much always their real names, some are sort of interchangable, or end up being something awkward like "(real name)... you know, (fake name)," and then there's one or two that even though we know their real names, they'll kinda always be (fake name) to us.

Of the three I can think of whose numbers are in my phone, one is stored as (fake name), one as (real name) / (fake name), and one just as (real name). And that one used to be (real name) / (fake name) too, but it was kinda long and unwieldy that way, and that was the only (real name) i knew anyway...

So, what about all of you? What do you do? What do you call US behind our backs...? ;-)

-d.

Our First Apartment

"I feel naked and excited." I said happily.

"Yeah?" Daniel asked. " Naked and excited in a slightly different way than the last time you were naked and excited?"

We both chuckled and flexed our newly naked ring fingers. We were on our way to look at our first apartment together. The decision had been made to remove our wedding rings and assert ourselves as Boyfriend and Girlfriend. Being the worry wart that I am, I insisted we get our 'story' straight before we met our (possibly) future landlord. I was nervous and unsure what possible snags we would encounter trying to find us a living space while not dragging all of our dirty laundry into the bright light of day.

The prospective landlord was nice, curt, and efficient. He spoke quickly and ushered us briskly through the 2 bedroom townhouse. We were excited, eager, and best of all happy. I could tell by the gleam in Daniel's eye that it was promising. He wanted more than anything for this to BE the place. It is a great location. It's quiet. The layout is homey. It had a daycare within walking distance for god's sake! It HAD to be for us.

Sadly though we have talked it through and realize that this place, nice as it was, is just too small for two established adults and a rapidly growing baby girl. We have stuff. (And lots of it.) And most importantly, we need an entire room that bbg can have for herself. (It'll be her house too.) So we'll keep looking.

It feels good to be searching. To be moving forward. We are happy and seeing each other, although briefly, more than we have in a long time. Now, if only OUR perfect place would just fall into our laps, that'd be great.

HNT: Open Up and Say: 'Ahhh...'

A sexy nursery rhyme.

Little miss frances,
Likes sexy lap dances,
And sucks both the cock and the balls.

She's willing and eager,
To ride you, though meager,
But don't ask her to scrub down the walls.

The Hunt Is On

As I type this, Daniel is sitting 1.5 hours away from me behind his desk at work. He will make two important phone calls in the next hour or so to set up appointments to see two apartments that look promising. After work we will both drive 60-ish min to meet and ogle what might end up being our new digs. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time. It has been hard to pin down places that suit our needs. Specifically, we are looking to relocate as close to directly between our workplaces (currently two hours apart) as we can. Couple that with our need for a room for bbg, room to grow our family, and rent that is within the $600-750 range (we're being cautious since we can't predict what our financial issues will be after the split) thus finding the perfect place has been daunting. Regardless, the search is on and we have some prospects. Wish us luck!