Great Sex and Great Love

Great sex is when Daniel pulls my hair while fucking me roughly from behind.

Great love is when Daniel pulls my hair off my neck while I'm pukey ill.

Great sex involves heightened emotions and electric chemistry.

Great love involves complicated heightened emotions and simmering electric chemistry.

Great sex is Daniel providing me innumerable mind-blowing orgasms.

Great love is Daniel providing innumerable interesting and thought provoking conversations.

Great sex is when our bodies support each other in an awkward sexual positions.

Great love is when our bodies support each other in the struggles of daily life.

Great sex is Daniel honoring my body.

Great love is Daniel encouraging me to do the same by staying mentally and physically healthy.G

Great sex is Daniel ensuring that my needs are met.

Great love is Daniel ensuring that my needs are met.

I always knew there wasn't much of a difference between great sex and great love. Some may wonder if sexual attraction is the basis of our relationship, but great sex and great love go hand in hand. Like the partners francesanddaniel long to be.

Crash and Burn

All day yesterday (4/27) I was feeling good--horny, playful. Daniel and I had bantered endlessly about sex and how I would spend the evening pleasuring myself when I returned home from work. I had been craving a drink. A "brown bandito" (Kahlua and Dr. Pepper) to be exact. I know it is ill advised to drink while taking my medication. It says so right on the label. However, I have been told 1 or 2 won't kill me. Although true, I won't die from a couple drinks, the depressant nature of alcohol does not seem to help my mood.

I arrived home and mixed up a drink. I sat on the couch enjoying it, laptop in hand. (Well "in lap" would be more accurate, but you get the picture.) As I sipped, I tooled around on facebook checking out people and just generally killing time. I HATE fb. I know it is not the program's fault that everyone posts pictures of their children or sonograms of soon to be family additions. It is not the users' fault that they seek to share their happy families with friends and loved ones. It is entirely my fault that I spend any amount of time clicking through these images and reading happy statuses which only serve to dig myself deeper and deeper into the hole of depression.

So, obviously, this is what I spent my night doing. Sipping my kahlua mixture with a swirly straw and gradually allowing that darkness in the pit of my stomach to grow. It started out with something on Daniel's page catching my eye. It deteriorated into my seeing his wife's beautiful new profile picture. She looks good in it. So much like the friend I once knew and loved. (Who also loved me back.) Funny enough, her current haircut much resembles the one I have been wearing for years now. I had to wonder if that was intentional or not. Perhaps it was my imagination...

Either way I look and I worry. I click and I continue to feel badly about myself--about how I look, the things I don't have, the present state of my life, about how I am effecting others (namely the Mrs and bbg). All of this culminates in my texting Daniel that we should break up. He gets frustrated. I get sad and suicidal. And to top it all off we fight.

I know that the misery inflicted is self-propelled. I just don't know how to stop it. Or even if I want to. My mental health is very fragile these days. I teeter between feeling ok and wanting to disappear. Although the Wellbutrin has given me my sex drive back, I don't see much of an improvement in my mood. The happiness is spastic and fickle as ever in manifesting and remaining.  I have been given so many techniques to keep focused, to make myself "better," to stop bringing misery into my life, but I can't seem to find the energy to implement them. I fight at every turn and I end up no where.

I'd like to say this will get better when we sort out our situation. Sadly, today I am not so confident. Today, all I want to do is disappear, to never feel anything--ever again.

HNT: Presentation Is Key

Daniel had teased me mercilessly for what seemed like hours, slipping his hand into my shirt to tweak both nipples and cover my breasts with his warm hands. After a few short minutes I was mentally begging him to unbutton my shirt to allow better access to my flesh. He knows how much I like to be teased, but I was feeling greedy and horny. Keeping one hand on the wheel I smirked and unbuttoned the front of my shirt. Gently scooping out one breast after the other, I sat exposed, driving down the busy street in broad daylight with Daniel's mouth attached to the nipple closest to him. I think he approved. Actually, I'm CERTAIN, he did because afterward he took me to one of our standard hotels and fucked me silly.

Spring

"You aren't wearing anything under that dress are you?" He asked as we walked under the a cover of trees on a balmy spring day.

With a gleam in my eye, I gave my hips a little enticing shake, as if to say:

"You'll have to catch me to find out."

Daniel audibly moaned and rushed to make up the short distance between us. There was a fence overlooking a ravine on this path. We were not entirely alone. Every few minutes other folks enjoying a walk and the weather would come upon us preventing our hands from wandering too far into each others clothes.

Daniel pressed against my back as as stood looking over the fence. I could feel his hardness pressing against my back as he slipped a hand nonchalantly between the buttons of my dress. I heard him rumble in my ear as he kissed my neck. With just a few kisses and mostly innocent touches I was soaking my panties, pressing my legs together in the hopes of alleviating some of my desire. I giggled, ready for him to throw me down in the grass under the tree and take me in front of any passing people.

Daniel's hand slyly snaked around my body. Still pressed against the fence his hand slid up my leg and into my wet panties. Nervous, I tried to pull away, but he used his body to pin me where he wanted, legs spread and head thrown back to rest on his shoulder.

His finger found my clit, circled it once, twice, and on the third time I audibly moaned. Taking what he wanted, I felt Daniel's fingers roughly enter me. My pussy twitched, contracting and dripping pussy juice into his palm. We heard the sound of approaching walkers. Daniel did not move his entrapping body, but removed his fingers to give them a little lick and kiss me deeply.

As the group passed, Daniel pulled me onto his lap on a nearby bench. His hard cock rubbed the wet fabric covering my flushed pussy. Grinding myself against him, we kissed, every moment increasing the tension and the inevitability of what was going to happen.

Within moments he was reaching between us to unzip his pants. Daniel quickly pulled the wet cotton of my panties aside and entered me in one quick stroke. My eyes wide, there was no time for reaction as another crowd was wandering down the path. Our eyes locked and Daniel smirked, attempting to find something innocuous to say. I burried my head in the crook of his neck, feeling exposed though the folds of my dress discreetly covered our indiscretion.

When we were we were once again alone, there were no words. His hands on my hips, I began to move at his urging, painfully slowly, each veiny ridge on his hard cock stroking the tender flesh of my insides. The intensity of the moment was excruciating. Both Daniel and I were dying to lose ourselves in the moment. It was taking all of our restraint not to fuck wildly to orgasms on this bench under the leafy coolness of this beautiful day.

We struggled to slow our motions every time we heard voices approaching. Regardless of if they knew what was actually going on, I'm certain some individuals could sense the heat radiating off of us. Perhaps there was even a scent of sex in the air. No one stayed long near our chosen bench, but each interruption heightened our desire.

Somehow Daniel's cool head prevailed. We righted ourselves, both unsatisfied, and began the walk back to our car.

Text Tuesday: My Love's loves

d 4/26/11 11:20pm Something that I was thinking of that I love when you do is the other day in the car when you pulled out the girls for me to touch...I love the way you sort of present yourself to me to be touched...SO hot, better than if I'd undressed you myself.

It turns me on to no end to hear Daniel talk about the things that turn him on. Come back soon to see the picture of this very moment!

Review 2: Europa Mini-Vibrator by Tybo

Graciously provided by the folks at MyPleasure.com
*Please review our guidelines for reviews here*

-------Quick overview-----

Who will like the Europa? Those who enjoy...

• high frequency, buzzy vibrations
• discreet innocuous looking sex toys
• short, thin objects for penetration
• direct clitoral stimulation
• metal toys with temperature play option
• smooth, firm texture in a vibrator

Pros:

• Body safe
• Waterproof and 100% non-porous
• Discreet
• Great for travel
• Quiet
• High quality and well made
• Requires only 1 AA battery

Cons:

• ****NICKEL PLATED****
• vibrations too gentle
• placement of on/off switch is troublesome

Now let's get into the nitty gritty...

Materials & Workmanship (4 Pearls) This toy is beautiful in its simplicity--very modern looking and sleek. When its caps are on it almost looks like a little maglite flashlight which makes it perfect to sit out on a bed-side table so it is always at arms reach. The diminutive nature of this toy makes it a perfect travel companion or a permanent fixture in a purse pocket for those oft' needed 'orgasms-on-the-go'. My only complaint about the body of this toy is the fact that it is nickel plated. For most, this fact will mean nothing. However, I am, unfortunately, one of many who are sensitive to nickel. I decided to try it sans protection to see how much damage it would do. ***PLEASE, IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO NICKEL, USE A CONDOM WITH THIS TOY OR FIND A DIFFERENT TOY TO PURCHASE!!*** I am STILL itchy from my encounter with this sweet little vibe and it's been 5 days. 

Aesthetic Appeal (5 pearls): As I mentioned above, this toy is modern and simple. The fact that the brilliant matte color is bonded to the metal keeps it looking new. The 2 caps are removable so you are left with a smooth rounded tip that feels delightful on sensitive areas like the clitoris, nipples, perineum, and I imagine a cock and balls. (Though Daniel hasn't had the pleasure of trying that yet.) I'm not sure if it was intended for this use, but I did try using the caps for different sensations. Though they look interesting, I didn't feel they changed the experience much and using the cap with the vibrations succeeded in making the toy louder. 

Features (4 pearls): I do not believe the point of this toy is to have a lot of bells and whistles. Although it could benefit from having a choice of different vibrations it is not necessary in a simplistic vibe such as this. (Some may argue that the price warrants it though.) I do consider the different "tips" to be a feature though. The wider cone shaped one allows it to stand freely on a flat surface and this enhances it's usefulness in my book. The fact that the on/off button is inlaid on the end gives the toy a modern, seamless appearance. However, I did end up turning it off while trying to manoeuvre the toy to my desired destination.

Fun (4 pearls):  I loved both the silky smooth feel and cold touch of the metal. Both of these aspects make the toy a great teaser and addition to foreplay. However, the lack of strong vibrations, or better said, the high frequency, buzzy vibrations made it tough for me to climax. It just doesn't work that well for me. That doesn't make it a bad toy, it still has MANY terrific attributes. 


"Mystery Category" (2 pearls): I wanted to talk specifically here about the packaging of this vibe. It comes in a discreet little black box with a spongy foam cut out to hold it. Honestly, the packaging is a bit 'cheap' for such a high quality vibe. (Not that that really matters.) But my main concern was a lack of...instructions. I suppose most sex toys are pretty self explanitory, "remove cap, insert battery, replace cap, turn on, and you're on your way to orgasmland."  However, I was looking for a little direction regarding the use of the caps. Were they intended to provide different tactile sensations or vibrations? Or are they merely for decoration or storage? There is a little card with the battery indications and a few other tidbits, but over all I found the direction rather lacking. (Maybe that's just me...) Also, it says on this card "It works better with condoms and lubes." Better than what? Itself without these things? Better than other vibes of the same types with these items? I'm just a bit confused by that statement and the general lack of instruction. Overall though, this is a TERRIFIC discreet, little, simple  vibe that I would LOVE to carry around in my purse, if only I weren't allergic to it...

A New Toy For Review

As I lay panting, exhausted from my second delightfully strong, Daniel-induced orgasm, I felt his fingers withdraw, replaced by a barely perceptible, cool object--our new toy. In all actuality it was a gift for Daniel. Though it is toted as both a G and P spot toy, we were most concerned with Daniel's thoughts on its effectiveness. However, we had forgotten the lube. This is a rather large no-no when reviewing anal toys, right? Regardless, we were not swayed from our task.

Using the sweet, copious product of my orgasm, we switched places and I began to slowly work the curved tip into him. With just a little added spit-lube, the narrow, petite Pandora nestled between Daniel's cheeks as I played with the vibration patterns and tended to his balls. I licked and sucked as I cycled through the 7 patterns, attempting to allow him ample time to adjust to each one. Within moments his cock began to harden and his right hand reached downwards.

I looked up from between his legs, one finger controlling the vibrations while my mouth teased his sack. His breathing became more rapid, increasing along with the pace of his hand on his shaft. I sucked one ball completely into my mouth, burying my nose in his scent, the force of his hand bouncing my head as he stroked. My tongue circled the orb, lightly trapped between my teeth. My finger switched the toy to a stronger vibration. Daniel moaned and I released my elliptical treasure to find its twin eager for my tongue. He was close, writhing in pleasure as each new sensation attacked his body.

Within moments, Daniel's hand paused, squeezing just under the now full, purple-ish head of his cock. With a grunt, the first shot of semen erupted onto his chest and his hand began to move again. I held a testicle in my mouth, sucking gently, running my tongue around it, feeling it subtly twitch. A rush of wetness ran down my thigh.

"Well...I guess THAT was successful..." I quipped, turning the toy off and gently licking from perineum to the base of his shaft.

Feeling most evil, I continued to tease his balls as he lay panting. Every lick caused a grunt and his head to raise off the pillow. Soon he pushed my face away, covering the sensitive area with a protective hand. Undeterred and smiling wickedly, I moved slightly to take his shrinking head in my mouth.

"Yes, most successful." I thought with a gleam in my eye.

*Be sure to come back for our ACTUAL Pearl-O-Meter review of the Pandora Prostate Massager, graciously provided by EdenFantasys*

Biting the Bullet

It was a great morning. Baby girl and I, and frances and the buddies she nannies for were finally getting to enjoy a long-awaited playdate. We were playing... snuggling... laughing... happy.

And then...

It looked like nothing, really. An innocent tumble like a thousand others. But the sound... It was more than the cry of "I fell down and I'm upset." It was the cry of "I'm hurt..."

I scooped up the little girl, and she snuggled limply in my arms. Tried getting her away from the excitement... tried some ice, and a drink of water... nothing worked, she was still sobbing inconsolably. This was bad.

By this time, frances had gathered up the rest of the kiddos, and everyone's stuff, and caught up to us. "Is she ok, baby?" I just shook my head. While i herded everyone out to the cars, frances disappeared back inside for the last of the coats, and came back a moment later with directions to the nearest emergency room. Hugs and kisses and reassurance, and we were on our way.

I knew exactly where the ER was. My mom works there. Not in the ER, but elsewhere at the same hospital, and for a moment, I considered driving somewhere else, anywhere else... But then i thought of my poor wounded girl, and knew I had to take care of her right away. The rest, I would have to figure out.

Everybody has horror stories about the ER... but honestly, they couldn't have been nicer. Little girl charmed everyone in sight, and was soon snuggled up with blankets and toys and cartoons. I still didn't know what to do next. But as the diagnosis gradually began to filter through... fracture... more doctors... surgery?... I knew what I had to do.

"I think I have to tell the truth about this", I said to frances.

They finally let us go, and I called frances for a pep talk. She told me she loved me, that she was in this with me. And then I bit the bullet, and called the Mrs. at work.

"Hi... we're ok. Are you someplace you can talk?"

And I came clean. About all of it... what had happened. Where we were. Who we were with. It wasn't pretty... But it's for the best. Obviously, I hate that anything had to happen to baby girl. But if putting all the cards on the table is what helps us finally get out the door, then it's a blessing in a very painful disguise.

-d.

The Beginning of The End

I don't want to go into much detail for it seems the story is really Daniel's to tell, but something happened recently. Something that, thanks to D's bravery, may have opened the door to us finally leaving. This heroic deed involved telling The Mrs. that he and I were together on Friday. (Even though it was in the most platonic of ways.) Among the other stress of the weekend, this has provided us the option to finally come clean about our plans to leave or brush it all under the rug and let the storm pass. We're struggling and emotionally exhausted, but I have to believe this entire event happened for a reason. Perhaps it is the universe pushing us to stay, but I like to think it was the universe opening the door to our escape. We're on the cusp of something big folks, REALLY big. Please keep us and our entire families in your thoughts. This could get ugly, be we hope it will lead to better things.

Alleluia, The Strife is Over!

I can orgasm again!

It seems the effects of the Effexor have finally worn off and the Wellbutrin has not influenced me sexually, as expected.

Within moments of Daniel's arrival between my knees last night, I was writhing and coming like I used to. It was easy, normal, just plain frances. It felt so good to have him touch me and my body react in the ways I am used to. He was even greedy and stole a second orgasm from me a little while later. We were joyous and toasted our success, silly as that may seem.

I don't think I fully realized how different my body was on that drug. Yuck. I really wish I didn't have to take these medications at all, but hopefully I'm on the right track with Wellbutrin. I certainly don't feel less depressed or moody, but thank God I can masturbate to completion to keep
my mind off that. ;-)

Bringing Sexy Back

I finally think I'm feeling more like myself. I wore my smart balls while I cleaned the house on saturday and proceeded to orgasm twice afterward cause I was finally feeling a bit randy. I looked at a picture of daniel's cock today and actually felt that tingle in my pants again instead of just my brain telling me 'I really wish I wanted to fuck that.'

I still don't think my medicine situation is worked out. I am currently taking 150 mg of Wellbutrin twice a day. I still feel icky as well as run down down and I had a major break down at therapy on Saturday, so I can't say my mood is even improved. However, I'm not sure whether to blame my cycle, the working 7 days a week, OR the ineffective Wellbutrin. I'm giving it the old college try though and taking this dose for the next month, but I really need to see an improvement soon. I'm a little bit disheartened.

Thankfully it seems my libido is perking up. I just wish Daniel was around to partake of the festivities...

April 1: State of the francesanddaniel

Today's April 1.

As some of you may remember, we wrote a few months back that today was our 'D-Day' in our plan to finally be together.

Well... long story short is, we're not quite there yet, but not giving up. I ranted here just last week about our difficulties in finding a place to live. Our search started strong. We refined what we wanted, and where we wanted it to be, only to be frustrated by the fact that the kind of place we want, in the price range we want, doesn't seem to exist in the towns we want.

So, as the weeks have gone on, we've given ground on everything. Maybe we should consider these other towns? Maybe we can afford a few more dollars? Maybe we don't need that third bedroom? Bit by bit, we've set perfect aside. We just need good enough. Good enough for now.

I don't want to speak for frances, but I think a lot of the idea of this April 1 date was to keep us on task. To keep us from falling into the trap we've fallen into so many times before, where there's a flurry of activity and then we stall, and end up not so much looking for a house, but talking about the idea of looking for a house.

And I truly don't think we've done that. Sure, I'm frustrated. We both are. We're kinda down to our last nerve with the whole process. But we've stayed in it together. Every couple of days we're checking listings, making calls, checking things out... And we're getting there. No, we're not where we wanted to be today. But we're closer.

We make a good team. A team that can do this. I know it.

We'll keep you posted.

-d.